One thing I realized near the end of 2022 is that I no longer actually listened to music. That is, I played music in the background when I was working or doing something else. Music has been something to fill in the space of silence. Even when I was walking alone late into the night, I played some music in my mind, just to chase the bad thoughts away.
One of my best purchases was an iPod back in my first year in college. I almost always walked around with earphones ever since that purchase. I no longer had to be scared of going to a store and meeting an overly helpful clerk. I no longer had to be scared of threadful thoughts when I was all by myself.
At the end of a very very long day a few weeks back, I took a walk around the neighborhood and bought a few random drinks. Back to my place, I sat down in front of my laptop. I restarted it and was caught with another Windows Update.
So I just sat there and waited. It was a very quiet night, and I thought of playing something on my phone while waiting. Any would do to fill in the silence.
And it was at that moment when I realized the strangeness of that thought. I was not seeking music for entertainment, merely so there would be sounds other than the sound of silence.
Raging inside me was the desire to listen to something. Something. Something because I wanted to enjoy it. Not because I needed to.
And my thought went to… a song I strangely had no prior attachment with. It just played itself in my head at that moment.
“The winner takes it all, The loser’s standing small”
I played the Meryl Streep’s version on Mamma Mia!, then the original ABBA.
As the night went on, I played various songs that popped up in my mind. It was as random as it could get, like:
- Love Song Requiem (Trading Yesterday)
- Some parts of Tiếng Hạc Trong Trăng (Cải Lương – Tám Vân, Thành Được)
- The Sound of Silence (Disturbed)
- Để trả lời một câu hỏi (Hoàng Oanh)
- Take me to church (Hozier)
- Heaven on Their Minds (Carl Anderson)
- Một mai giã từ vũ khí (Đan Nguyên, Quốc Khanh)
- Flags and Footprints (Threshold)
- Đế Nữ Hoa, 帝女花 (Trịnh Thiếu Thu 鄭少秋 & Uông Minh Thuyên 汪明荃)
- 13 Horses (Alexander Rybak)
- Winter Skies (Stratovarius)
- …
Anyway, that aside, the music I listened to (passively mostly) most in 2022 was:
- Loads of Vietnam anti-war music and nhạc Vàng
- Panic! At the Disco
- Kamelot
- Random musical pieces (from Bare, Dear Evan Hansen, Dracula The Musical, etc.)
- OSTs from Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
- Cải Lương
First songs I listened to in 2023? Right now playing the full album Pray for the Wicked (Panic! At the Disco).